Crush
by MageNellofGalla
Summary: This feeling is a crush. But what if... it's more than a crush? This ache, this longing, feels real- permanent. What if it is? Cronkri. Set before the game. One-shot.


_Disclaimer: The song lyrics to "Crush" __completely_ belong to David Archuleta! That's where I got the inspiration for this fic. Also, Homestuck belongs to Hussie, yadda yadda.

* * *

Cronus sat in front of his door, the carvings digging into his shoulder blades. A bottle of alcohol clanged on the concrete as he put it down with a slur. He sighed. "Woe is me," he wailed, putting a hand dramatically to his white shirt. He shook his head in bemusement. "Woe. Of all the words I coulda used."

He saw a little blot in the distance. A red one, from what he could tell from the moonlight and the sunlight left on the horizon.

"Cronus?"

He recognized that voice, and oh how he loved the sound of it saying his name. He straightened and rubbed the haze from his eyes. "What'sat?" He blinked rapidly, and the blot soon became a troll.

"Cronus," Kankri sighed. He walked closer and shook his head in disapproval, a hand on his hip. "You shouldn't be wailing about your love life so early in the night. Let me educate you about the fact that there are other trolls in this neighborhood who would be much _triggered_ by your outburst of woeful odes into the twilight."

He observed that Kankri was wearing his usual red sweater, which Porrim made him, and jogging pants. His hair was that perfect sort of curly that he just wanted to run his fingers through. The words he said slipped through one ear and out the other. Cronus blinked lazily.

"Not to mention that many of them are asleep at this time of day. And do mind the presence of wrigglers who've yet to finish building their hives, and who have _also_ yet to finish their growth and development—it is not good to burden them with the thoughts of romantic endeavors so early…."

Cronus smiled slightly, not really paying attention to what he was saying. It didn't matter that he was lecturing him; he was happy that he was there. He was always happy with Kankri. He was one of the only people who listened, other than maybe Porrim. But he didn't feel like this with Porrim. It was different; thrilling.

"Although I, for one, wake up early for a brisk twilight jog, mind you that there are others that do _not_," he continued, and would've said more, had Cronus not burst into laughter.

"C'mere."

Kankri's head jerked back. "Why?"

"Just c'mere," he insisted, reaching a hand out.

"Cronus, you're drunk. You should get in your hive and have a few glasses of water," Kankri advised.

He rolled his eyes. "This is my first bottle."

"And it's almost empty!" he persisted. He clucked his tongue, but went over to kneel beside him anyways. He sighed. "What is it?"

Cronus sifted his fingers through Kankri's hair, giving a satisfied, "Mmm…" His heart pounded in his chest. What he would give to just hold him close; what he wouldn't give to kiss those lips.

"Ampora," Kankri said in a warning tone. But Cronus could see him blush. It had to be a lie that he didn't want this as well.

"I'm not touching your horns," he reasoned in a quiet voice.

"You most certainly will _not_ touch my horns," he yelped, inching away. "You should not have any interaction with trolls while on _intoxicating substances, _Cronus. There's such a thing as personal space! Who knows what you could do next?"

"_I_ shore don't," he said dumbly. He knew it was a bad idea to pursue Kankri. This was only temporary, wasn't it? Most things with trolls were, although Kankri's case had lasted half a sweep. But the ache didn't go away, the desire to be intimate with someone. Moreover, the desire to be intimate with Kankri. He moved closer, the bottle tipping over to spill its contents on the ground.

"Cronus," Kankri said sharply, standing up. He tugged on his hand, and the purple-eyed troll got butterflies in his stomach. He felt warm, and he knew that his face had just turned a purple hue.

He stood up, and looked down at Kankri. It was cute that he was smaller than him, and he chuckled. "You're beautiful," he stated simply.

The candy red-blooded troll opened his mouth as if to retort something, but instead scoffed. He withdrew his hand. "My being male calls for a different adjective, don't you suppose?"

Cronus raised his brows. So he accepted the compliment. "Handsome, gorgeous, attractive..." He brought a hand up to touch his face, digits taking in how smooth it was. It was also considerably red. "Mesmerizing."

At that, he pulled away and turned his head to the side. "You're drunk, Cronus," he said once again. "Get inside and drink some water."

He pouted. "I got locked out."

Kankri raised a brow. "Again?" Cronus nodded, and he sighed. "Alright. What did you do this time?"

"I guess my dad saw me go out with a bottle of beer," he slurred, shrugging. "And decided that if I want to drink outside, I'll have to stay outside." Which had been unreasonable, considering that he was already eight sweeps. He was a grown troll, wasn't he?

The door opened to his father. Cronus didn't even try sneaking past him. The skyhorse dad glared at the pair, locked the door and then went on his way.

Kankri's eyes widened. "Alright then..." He cleared his throat. "Well, we can sneak in, since he's gone now."

He shook his head. "I don't wanna go inside if you're not there." He tugged on his arm like a child asking for candy. He saw the other troll's Cadace's apple bob up and down.

"Cronus..." He sounded almost tired. "I have to finish my morning jog."

But of course he could feel that his morning jog wasn't Kankri's concern.

"I'll try to get back to you later." He turned on his heel and started running.

"Bye!" he called, frowning as he stretched his neck to stare at him. "Take care!"

And Kankri didn't even wave back.

* * *

Cronus lay down on his couch in the living room, an arm over his eyes. It was so hard for him to get drunk nowadays. He ended up forfeiting and sneaking back inside through one of the ridiculously big windows on one of the living room walls. He must've had an abstract mind as a child, or maybe he hadn't foreseen how much time he'd spend in the living room, because it was cramped. It only fit a couch, a table, his guitar, and a television.

He was supposed to be thinking about a new song, but instead he found his mind wandering to Kankri—again. He remembered the way he'd taken his hand to pull him to his feet. He did that a lot. Metaphorically, of course- not that he fell down a lot, but Kankri would always pull him out of a bad mood. He felt comfortable with him. He felt... wonderful with him. He caught himself smiling, and then felt a twinge of pain in his heart. He had run away earlier. And he wasn't going to come back, since it was almost sunrise. What was he expecting? It wasn't like he reciprocated his emotions. No one did. He should've just given up.

He rolled over to dig his nose into the cushions. The chances of Kankri feeling the same way were small—he was well aware of that. But what if he _did?_ He could feel that he did. He just _felt _it. Why else would he stay with him? Why else would he have kneeled down beside him? Not to mention he didn't immediately pull away when he carressed his face. Oh, that face. Those round eyes, soft cheeks, black lips.

He groaned and sat up. But maybe this was in fact just an infatuation?—a crush. Something that wouldn't last. And maybe he was hallucinating this feeling he got from Kankri. Maybe he was delusional about Kankri's emotions.

He slumped forward. This was hard. This was frustrating. Everything was. Growing up, and romance, and "Ugh..." He rubbed his forehard. And no one understood.

His dad entered the hive and paid no attention to him, going about his skyhorse dad ways.

At least he didn't have that sort of dad that stuck their nose—or maybe snout?—into his business.

But he also didn't have that sort of dad he could talk to.

He ran his hand over his hair and reached for a cigarette on the table. Instead, he found a pen.

"Oh, right."

He was supposed to write some music. He blinked. "And I know just what to write now, too."

He took a piece of paper and started putting down words, singing some of them to get a grasp of the tune. Words into lines, and lines into stanzas. Stanzas into verses, pre-choruses, a chorus. Words into lyrics. It all came so quick, his hand ached from how fast he wrote without stopping. Soon enough, he put down the pen and looked at the papers with satisfaction. "At least something _good_ came out of this." He smirked. "And look at that, it's not even a sex song."

He picked up his guitar and started strumming, head tilted to get a better angle on the sound. After a while, he got the tune he wanted, and started singing. He had a pretty nice voice, if he said so himself. His dad didn't complain (and he overlooked the fact that he probably got used to it already) and nor did the neighbors.

After a few rounds, he put it to rest and went up to his respite block.

Writing a song didn't solve his problems, though. Of course it wouldn't; what was he thinking? He stripped and slipped into his recuperacoon, hoping the sopor would bring him to a nicer place. "Anywhere is better than here," he sighed, and rubbed his hands over his shoulders in some way to comfort himself. Somewhere where things weren't so complicated.

* * *

It was three weeks after writing the song that he realized that he wasn't infatuated. He was in love. And it was so difficult. Every time he spoke to Kankri, his heart beat faster, his hands itched to touch him, to feel his skin under his own. To press his lips to every inch of his body.

And it was so _difficult._

He had to keep it hidden, keep it to secret glances, secret stares when the other wasn't looking. He'd excused himself from that incident those three weeks back when he got touchy, saying that it was the beer. Kankri'd accepted the reason. He _had_ been a bit drunk, in his defense. But he was completely aware of what he was doing then. Not that he'd tell Kankri that.

And then it was the fact that he couldn't just _keep going like this._ He couldn't just spend time with him and not get flustered, frustrated. So he ended up rewriting his mindset. No more Kankri. Kankri was like poison—no good for him. But he craved him even more.

One night, when he was singing on his wooden porch, which was situated on the right side of the hive (don't blame him; he'd been barely two sweeps), he caught Kankri walking by his hive. He put his left arm on the back of the wooden bench he sat on.

This wasn't unusual. Kankri usually walked by his hive, mostly to do an errand or he'd come 'round early in the night for his jog. He'd started doing this more frequently, actually. It used to be that Cronus would call him over everynight. But he knew he couldn't bear the pain of being with him, and then also being without him. During, it was wonderful. Afterwards, it was lonely.

Tonight, however, Kankri was going slower than usual. A glance out of the corner of his eye. Then a bit of whistling.

Cronus raised a brow. What was up? He stopped singing and shifted in his place. Was Kankri coming... _closer?_

Soon enough, the troll in the red sweater jogged to the start of the porch stairway. "Hey, Cronus," he said offhandedly. "May I come up?"

"Shore," he stated hesitantly. He licked his lips.

Kankri walked up the steps and leaned on the railing, in front of Cronus. Uncomfortable silence fell, filled with looks to the side, blinking, scratching heads. Finally, Kankri spoke. "Have you been avoiding me?"

His head jerked back. Wait, what? "Me? Avoiding you?" He laughed nervously. "Why on Beforus would I avoid you?"

He gave a thoughtful hum, and asked, "May I sit?" Cronus nodded and made room for him as Kankri settled in his spot. He folded his hands and flicked his red eyes up to meet his purple ones. Cronus caught his breath. "I've observed a—an odd pattern in our interaction."

"An... odd pattern?" he questioned. He cleared his throat, brows furrowing. "I don't get it."

He took a breath. "I've noticed that you and I have been having rather scarce meetings, and I find it st—"

Cronus put a hand up to stop him (and he miraculously did.) "So, what, we need to have regular "meetings?" Whatever _that's_ supposed to mean."

Kankri clucked his tongue and bit a lip. Cronus thought he was so cute when he did that. "I was just wondering why we haven't spoken in such a long while."

He blinked. Once, twice. Why would Kankri care? How would he have noticed that he was avoiding him if he hadn't been paying close attention. Cronus shook his head and rested his elbows on his knees, putting his head in his hands. No, no. This was just his mind giving him some more false hope, wasn't it. He looked at Kankri from the corner of his eyes.

His guest moved closer, and looked as if he was about to put a hand on his shoulder—except he stopped short. "I apologize if I am intruding in any way, or if you're... uncomfortable... with the topic—"

He straightened. "Uncomfortable with the topic?" He raised his brows. "Whatever's cooking in your think pan, I obviously wasn't included in the session." Maybe he just said those words out of nervousness.

He was losing his cool. His nice guy cool, of course. Other times, he would've held his tongue and dismissed it, in hopes of getting the favor returned—in one way or another. Now, well, it was a different situation.

Kankri's lips pursed. "I'd watch what I say if I were you," he started. "You can trigger someone with that sharp tongue." Although Cronus had never spoken to him like this before: quick words, insulting words. That's not the side he showed Kankri. "In fact, I have been _severely _triggered. Are you implying that I am delusional, Ampora? Because I'll let you know that I have observed the situation closely, and my reasoning _begs_ to differ."

"What the fuck does your reasoning even _say?"_ he demanded, eyes widening just a bit.

He opened his mouth to say something, and only took in air. He licked his lips and went on. "You are not supposed to use such profanities," he said quickly. Cronus noted how he sidestepped the question. "And I am not insinuating that, as a royal member, you are not to commit vices—or dare I say, sins—it is general knowledge that one can be highly _insulted_ by the "f" word."

He nodded his head mockingly and looked away. "Right," he drawled. His head flicked back to look at him. "Well, _fuck,_ thank you for the _fucking _lecture," he snapped. "You're also not supposed to use the "s" word or the "m.f" word, right?" He gave a half smile at the look of horror on his face. "Or the _fucking nooksucker _word."

Kankri gasped, red-faced as he leaned forward so their faces were inches apart. "You kiss your father with that mouth? You bulge-" He caught himself before he swore further, covering his mouth as he looked down in shame. He breathed heavily and settled back.

Cronus frowned. To get Kankri to curse... that took a lot. "Hey, Kankri, I..."

He shook his head. "My apologies. If you'll excuse me..." He stood and turned to walk away, except Cronus was fast.

He stepped in front of him—noting Kankri's dislike to unpermitted physical contact. "No, no, it's my fault." Pleading filled his eyes. "Please, I don't want this." Kankri blinked up at him. Were those tears in his eyes? His hand fell to lightly cup part of his neck. "I don't want... to leave this unresolved."

A few more blinks. Breathing. The sound of the wind blowing through the grass.

Kankri nodded.

Cronus heaved a sigh, a sigh he hadn't known he was holding. "Alright. So."

What was he supposed to say? Red eyes were trained on his purple ones; he didn't even need to look down to know.

He ran his fingers through his hair and then rubbed his face. "Sit down. I'll..." He darted down the stairs and into the hive to get the guitar.

He heard Kankri yell, "Don't just run away!" and he chuckled. He wasn't running away; he was just... buying time. Yes, that was what he was doing. He bit his lip and paced down the hallway. So, what? After all this effort trying to keep it a secret, he's just going to confess like that? It seemed like the only option, really.

Then he remembered the song he wrote. "In a minute!" he called back, and grabbed his guitar. He took the sheet music with him and went out the door, leaving it open.

He saw Kankri sitting on the bench, legs crossed. At least he hadn't left. He turned his head and widened his eyes. "What in the world-?"

Cronus grinned as he went up the stairs and sat beside him. "Just listen."

He squinted, and his lip curled in thought. Cronus felt himself warm just the tiniest bit. Wasn't Kankri just the cutest? Finally, he nodded and folded his hands over his knee.

Cronus started strumming, eyes trained on the paper beside him.

"Oooh whoa whoa... Ooooh..." He licked his lips. "I end up the fool tonight. Something happened for the first time. Deep inside, there's a rush. What a rush... 'Cause the possibility that you could ever feel the same way about me—just too much; just too much." He looked up and saw Kankri staring, jaw dropped. He blushed.

"Why do I keep running from the truth, all I ever think about is you. You got me hypnotized; so mesmerized, and I just got to know..." He started tapping his foot as he went into the chorus.

"Do you ever think, when you're all alone, all that we could be; where this thing could go? And the crazy all fall in and out—is it really just another crush? Do you catch your breath, when I look at you; are you holding back, like the way you do. 'Cause I'm tryin' and tryin' to walk away, but I know this crush ain't going away..." He set his eyes on Kankri's as he sang, "Going away..." He swallowed.

"Has it ever crossed your mind, when we hang and spend some time, boy, are we just friends; is there more; is there more?" He could see Kankri take in a sharp breath. He continued. "See, it's a chance we've gotta take 'cause I believe that we can make this into something that'll last... last forever. Forever." He went through the chorus, eyes closed and strumming hard.

"Why do I keep running from the truth, all I ever think about is you. You got me hypnotized; so mesmerized, and I just got to know..." He stopped there, and let his right hand rest on the body of the guitar, eyes opening. He wet his lips again, waiting for him to react.

"It's not about... reproduction," he stated, as if dumbfounded.

He laughed. "I had inspiration," he reasoned, shrugging.

"I'd hate to sound pompous, but was I the inspiration for the song?" Kankri asked, almost quietly.

Cronus gulped and nodded.

"You didn't ask my permission," he said.

The other smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry. I write about my life, and about things I love. You happen to be a big part of my life."

"Do I also happen to be someone you love?" he questioned shyly.

"Actually?" He looked down at Kankri, a tinge of a smile on his lips. Kankri really was gorgeous, and he loved each and every bit of him. His hair, his eyes, his gentleness. The way he spoke, even a bit of the things he spoke. His eyes filled with affection, and maybe that was what made the other train his gaze downcast. "Yeah. Yeah, you _are_ someone I love." He set the guitar on the ground carefully, wincing slightly at the hollow sound it made. "I'm flushed for you."

Kankri looked up at him bashfully. Cronus was probably blushing as hard as he was. "Yes." He smiled a bit.

"Yes?" Cronus prompted.

"Yes, I think about all that when I'm alone." He squirmed, as if his shoulders weren't comfortable in their sockets. "I've been doing so for the past few weeks. It has been a... deep mire in my sleeping patterns."

"Really? It's not obvious. You still look healthy, and beautiful—I mean, handsome." He beamed at him.

Kankri chuckled. "You're sweet."

"Sweet enough to kiss?" he asked, scooting closer.

He squinted up at him, lips pulled into a smile. "Yes," he agreed with a nod.

Cronus took his face into his hands, and looked down at his lips. This was it. This was finally it. They held gazes for a brief moment before he pressed his lips to his, and delighted in how soft they were, how warm. He felt Kankri's hands go to his hips, and the heat was like he was in front of an open oven. He pulled away and pressed his forehead to his, the pad of his thumb carressing his face. "I love you."

Kankri grinned. "Flushed for you too."

He heard a neigh from the door. His dad.

"And I gotta go." He gave him one quick peck on the lips (at which Kankri widened his eyes at), took his guitar and lyrics, and dashed back into the hive. "I am so sorry!" he said, walking backwards so he could still see Kankri. His lover was shaking his head in amusement. He bit his lip as he went inside, listening to the lecture his father had for him. Mhmm. The old "don't have romantic affairs just outside the hive" and "don't leave the door open!"

He sat on the couch and slumped forward in false shame. He looked out the window and saw Kankri hold his thumb to his ear and pinky to his mouth. He wanted him to call. He bit back a smile and nodded. Didn't matter that his dad was lecturing him, because he was happy that Kankri had finally come around.

* * *

**(A/N) Aight so I haven't been on for a long, long, long, long time. Mostly because I think I've lost my muse for my other stories, and because my computer broke! Whoopie. So, I'm at a com shop (haha did I mention that there's no longer any internet at our house? Well... yeah.) to upload some stuff I wrote while I had no internet. x3 I hope you like it! owo And do review, since reviews are wondersome. Critique is warmly welcomed as well! **

**Warmest Regards,  
Nell  
**


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